


And way down we go

by heavensweetheart



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Boys In Love, Declarations Of Love, Dorks in Love, Friendship/Love, Idiots in Love, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, POV First Person, True Love, clueless Cas, douchebag dean, i just fixed the road so far and the long road home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:39:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27640121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavensweetheart/pseuds/heavensweetheart
Summary: What would it be like if they were Dean and Cas the ones answering the finale's interviews?
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	1. Dean

_ The road so far: _

It’s funny to call it “the road so far” because that’s exactly what it has been, everything that I’ve been doing. Driving around without destination like some trailer guy – I mean, no offense to anyone from Texas, but… – and it’s not that I don’t love driving with Baby, but I… what even was I in the beginning?

What the hell have I been all along?

I know there was a time when Mom was alive, and Dad was happy – I have to laugh at that. _Dad was happy_ – and there was no hunting nor monsters… but I can’t remember it.

I can remember Sam. I can remember the anger, and yelling, and guns, and loneliness.

That’s from what I build my life after it, that was the life that belonged to me, that was what I _was_. Pain and anger, and then more pain.

I remember Hell. I remember it _every single day_.

And then I see Cas.

_ The long road home: _

What even is a home? I don’t know anymore.

I know other people have one, but I only have illusions of it. I have a home where Sam is, one where Cas is.

Cas makes _everywhere_ a home, really. The bunker, Purgatory… Earth in general. Everything is more livable when he’s around. Or that’s how I feel it, it’s one of the illusions I like to keep.

Not djinn-like illusion, it’s just… something that I believe in. By myself, for myself. _Because_ of Cas.

I believe in Cas. 

And I know it’s probably not good for my image that I admit that… but I do.

Cas is…

He is…

… what angels were supposed to be all along.

He is this _light_ that feels… beating. Like a heart. Maybe that’s also what hearts were supposed to be, a piece of intangible life that’s only warm and soft and nothing but kindness. Like Cas is; that is what Cas is.

And when _pain_ and _kindness_ meet, someone is bound to get hurt. Possibly both of them.

But Cas is… he makes that hurt worth it.

Pain expects… to be abandoned. Forgotten. Unloved. That’s what has happened to me in the past. Abandonment gives pain more anger, more sadness, more hate, it makes it go stronger. But kindness – but _Cas_ makes it go weaker.

Cas doesn’t abandon me, he never has.

He comes back, he protects me, even when I am a douchebag (ha!)…

And maybe that’s how he makes everywhere a home.

I can’t remember… the home that I had once with Mom and Dad and Sam, all of us together; but I remember that a home is supposed to be… this _love_ that’s… indescribable. Immense. So much that you can’t put it into words, you have to _feel_ it. Like the way you feel a heart beat, like I feel Cas when I touch him.

That’s what a home is, that’s what a home feels like.


	2. Castiel

_ The road so far: _

I don’t get it. The road was only from the bunker to here; what’s worth retelling?

_ The long road home: _

I suppose I can call the bunker home.

I’m still getting used to the concept, time on Earth has always been different than time on Heaven enough to keep me trying at certain topics. Though, I assume there wasn’t “time” in Heaven – not as a concept in physics, I mean; and there aren’t physics in Heaven either, so it’s hard to describe “time”, but in Heaven, it is not _living_ , it is only existing in all the sense of the word, it is only perceptions. It makes me think about the first time Dean hugged me, I was genuinely confused at that time, touch and tact were so… weird. (I can tell that according to human customary behaviors _I_ am the one perceived as “weird”, but...) (Like Dean would say, “the feeling remains the same”.)

My constant mentions of Dean are important because, as I said once, it was really Dean – and even Sam, and then Mary, and then Jack, and everyone – the ones that taught me what a home was. Perhaps I’m still struggling with the idea of having a home, questioning if I even have one, but I know what a home is because Dean showed me his.

This place. This planet.

These feelings.

Feelings I still don’t have the words to describe. They are too many. And enclosed in just one person.

I never stop being amazed at how strong Dean is, I will never have the chance to meet another creation – another being that holds so much inside them, and that nevertheless willingly carries others to safety. Dean is… a miracle.

A miracle that I love, to whom I owe the power of loving. Dean saved _me_ from perdition, from an eternity of cold unfeelingness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! And if you'd like to know ways to help me keep writing, please, please, please see this post: https://heavensweetheart.tumblr.com/post/634708801822572544/update-2-thanks-to-everyone-that-has-helped-and

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! And if you'd like to know ways to help me keep writing, please, please, please see the pinned post on my Tumblr page: https://heavensweetheart.tumblr.com


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